DEATH ROULETTE, my convention sketch game, is well into its second year now, and over a hundred people have been depicted being frozen, shot, impaled, decapitated, or otherwise snuffed out across my convention career.

I have, however, decided to offer something for the more refined patron of the arts. Moneyed socialites across the country have clapped and hooted like errant seals at the prospect of this offer, so I have opened up orders for the upper classes of Glasgow.

THE OPULENT DEPARTURE - an all-new variant of Death Roulette - is for those who demand the finer things in life. The luxury cars. The boutique furniture. The mansions with a Rolex embedded in every door handle. Money means absolutely nothing to you, and there is no better way of showing that than by purchasing an extremely expensive portrait from me.

For the indulgently bourgeois sum of £10, you get a full colour A4 portrait of your demise (FOUR TIMES the size of a standard Death Roulette), and you shall die as you have lived - in an unspeakably lavish manner, a death simply unaffordable by the unwashed masses. Prepared in only the finest inks and watercolour paints by the artisan craftsman behind some of the UK’s most “troubling” comics, this is an essential purchase for the well-to-do comic art aficionado. You will also receive a signed certificate of authenticity for provenance purposes. All I require from you is a reference photograph (for which I will be in touch upon completion of your order); I will handle the rest, and your portrait will be available to collect at Glasgow Comic Con on June 29th.

There are THREE slots available - to maintain strict exclusivity - and they are available for convention pickup ONLY*. They are available strictly on a first come, first served basis and once they’re gone I cannot guarantee they will ever be available again.

*Please don’t order one of these if you’re not coming to Glasgow, as they’re not being posted out; any orders made that are not collected on the day will be auctioned at Sotheby’s to benefit those less fortunate than you, which is everybody but you.

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